The Ripple Effects of Our Actions
This is a guest contribution from Erik Severinghaus. Erik is a serial innovator and entrepreneur who’s helped create products and businesses worth hundreds of millions of dollars and has been featured in Forbes, Fortune and The Wall Street Journal.
I just got off of a phone call where someone was an asshole to me. There aren’t a lot of other good ways to characterize the behavior, they were simply being an asshole. I’m sure you know the feeling. They made unfounded assumptions, had a tone dripping with sarcasm, and were generally short in the response. As with most bullies, this particular act of assholery was done to someone lower on a particular totem pole than they are. Most people who act like assholes don’t have the guts to act like an asshole to people they regard as above them on whatever particular hierarchy they use.
Of course, my body went through all the predictable responses. I felt my heart beat tick up and my muscles tighten. Just a few words put me on the defensive. I replayed my version of what happened to my wife, so that I could revel in her shared perspective. Ditto, a trusted friend. We all agreed, that dude is an asshole.
Once I got past the anger, then I got to the “meta-anger” part of processing the experience. I’m no longer really angry, but I’m angry at myself that I’m still thinking about it! Why am I letting him live in my head, rent free?
Which leaves me with three key takeaways.
First, there are second and third order effects to acting like an asshole.
This person being a jerk to me activates all of my body’s systems that prime me to go be a jerk to someone else. Research has shown that while I’m in the state that I’m in right now, I’m less likely to be kind or empathetic. If I walk outside and see an old lady struggling to cross the street, I’m less likely to help her. I’m primed to tip less when I buy my next meal which is likely to make my server angry. Acting like an asshole is contagious, and we have to be extremely intentional if we want to break the cycle.
Second, as entrepreneurs, we are oftentimes at the mercy of others.
For our dream to work, we need investors, employees and customers. Even if the world may see us as the almighty Oz-like figure that is a Founder/CEO, we too often feel like the fraud behind the curtain. Unfortunately, all too often, these people will act like assholes to us. I remember cocktail parties with bankers laughing about how they ripped off naive entrepreneurs who didn’t understand the terms they were signing. I have had trusted mentors take advantage of me like I’m a fool. I felt that sting of rage all too often during my journey.
Third, and critical for entrepreneurs, stress primes us to act like assholes.
Lack of sleep increases the chances of unethical behavior. My greatest regret during my time as an entrepreneur doesn’t center around my lack of financial success. I have long since come to terms with losing money, and although it hurts more, I have even gotten over the fact that other people lost money betting on me. It’s much harder to get past some of the times I was a jerk. The ways I was short to friends, family, or employees that work for me. Yes, those people lower than me on some perceived hierarchy, that I didn’t show my best self to.
Most of us go into entrepreneurship with some notion that we will leave the world a better place. We think that the innovation we inspire will improve humanity, and that the riches we accumulate will be put to good use for benevolent causes. Along that journey, don’t forget the here and now. Recognize the risk that the stress of entrepreneurship brings. The real risk of being an asshole. And remember, for every person to whom you are a jerk, there’s a good chance that behavior will continue to echo as they act out their frustration on other people.
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